feelings.

Feelings.
We all have them. They are very real.

One day you may think you are in love. The next day you may never want to love someone again. Do you control your feelings, or do your feelings control you?

Do you make ALL of your decisions based on feelings? Sometimes its hard not to.
Are you really "listening to you heart"? Or Just what you temporarily want or think you need?

Life is full of decisions. Do you let your feelings make them for you? Are you just thinking about the here and now?

Does the future ever cross your mind? Don't let them take over. You will lose yourself in your own feelings that are just temporary.

Where do you want to be in 10 years? If you base all your decisions on you feelings, will you ever get there?

Before you let your feelings take over, does any of these things cross your mind?

*written by my little sister, Naomi 13 years old. her understanding and inquisitiveness is so cool.
I love you Naomi, I´m here for you. And I´m glad you´re there for me.

la duda es mi único vicio.

time to do a little think.vent.blog.,
we are complexities. we are humans. we came about somehow, sometime, someway. we tend to search for meaning, for a higher being, for light. i´ve recently done some thinking about why and
what we do (when we do it).

religions are formed and may grow or deteriorate through the passing of years, they will either be followed or cast out, become hopes for some or remain mythical theologies or absurdities.

there is constantly more to learn, more to know in this ever-changing, moving, growing earth. each moment any given person will imitate what was done before them, in days or years gone by, because it is what seems right or natural. but at the same time brand new action, thought, and intricate individualism comes about.

truth be told.

when i see you, i smile. when i cannot see you, i smile all the more.

the truth of the matter is, i can smile without you. me smiling is my feeling, my action, my life. don't over judge yourself, or under estimate me.

the fight between reality and fantasy may sound a bit obscure, or childish even. but i say what i say not to be understood by others but only to understand myself better.

...

life is too short to hold grudges.
i´ve always told you all i wanted was for you to be happy. and you are and i´m glad.
i have no problem waiting, i´m enjoying everyday, with its new challenges and lessons. i love being surprised and having the unexpected jump into my life randomly.

the truth is my torture. love is a waiting game?

in the midst of vision
i came to the strong conclusion
that the begging was for freedom, for redemption of sins
never mind irregularity
be free, my soul
grow, be strong and true
just don´t ever deny the first influence
first love and first joy
seek what you will with vigor
be authentic and right
and always remember that by which you came
as it is where you shall return
with hope i plead for honor
as i am bid well and goodbye
i´ll be seeing you
in my dreams
coming real in front of me all too soon
for this world will inevitably seem the same
and that is when we meet again

live both worlds, learn the most.

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness; it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity; it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness; it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair; we had everything before us, we had nothing before us; we were all going directly to Heaven, we were all going the other way."

thanks, charlie. i love to compare my life to this quote. particularly right now, as i am living in a "foreign" country at 18 years old. i am constantly bombarded with choices, there are times when i do the right thing, and there are times i dont. but i am trying my hardest to be true to myself and to live this year to it´s fullest. and as i make every choice, a reaction occurs. and i learn from that reaction, whether it comes from me, from another person, or situation, etc..

not only am i attempting to master a new language here in spain, but i am also growing as a person, changing and developing inside. i am anxious to see how much i "change" when i get back to the states, and how my view changes towards certain things. or all things. it´s a mystery to me, something i am eager to explore all over again, with a new perspective.

the highs and lows here so far have been remarkable, for the first time in my life i have been truly homesick and depressed in that way. on the other side of the spectrum, i have been more happy than i have ever felt in my life, with new emotional highs and positive relationships (with my host parents, friends, nature, my maker). i also now have a hunger to grow more, to learn more, to experience brand new things further, and understand myself and the world around me better.

and i have about 8 more months to do so. man, life is good.

i have to be so grateful for the painful times or uncomfortable moments because every one of them imparts another tidbit of wisdom on this little curious girl.

"Life is a succession of moments. To live each moment is to succeed."-Corita Kent

just breathe.

life is full of choices. full of motions, emotions, reactions, newness, etc.
i cannot speak as though i know very much, as i have not yet lived for very long. but, with the few years given me, i have started to become who i am. many times i allow my feelings to act as my devil, to hinder me from living without fear, doubt, and pain. to pull me down and act as an immobilizer. these times feel like the end, as though nothing can improve. but that is when i must re-adjust my focus and dwell on positivity. sometimes life feels too overwhelming or painful, and i simply want an easier path to take. however feelings come and go as the wind blows, sometimes strong, sometimes calm, or sometimes somewhere in between.
then, a rationality of my seemingly depressed reality comes into play. breathe, just breathe. count up those blessings, mariah. then decide how lousy life really is. it´s impossible to feel down after making a list of what i have, of who cares about me, and what i know i can accomplish in the future.
okay, so i live in spain. i have the best mom back in florida. my dad is my hero. no man will ever match up to him. i got complimented today on my spanish. i live 5 minutes walking distance fromthe mediterranean sea. my future shows nothing but promise. i like myself. i like my life. the end.